DECEMBER 28 Beside DECEMBER 29
I began the Abramelin judgment - the three days of apology, refinement and spiritual surrender, at dawn on Monday. I anointed my top with fragrant oil and positioned upon it a touch of ash from my thurible. I deceased probably a good forty minutes of prayer in advance my gravestone, reciting the mantram planed and planed "I am contemptible to come nigh unto you, Oh my God!" I abased in person promptly and felt hostile and aim, as I supposed I duty tone to absolute the directive of full and strict apology. I was thriving expecting to fix this venture for some time at the same time as I felt a powerful ghost come in advance me and a flue commanded me to prevent this exercise at gone. Of course this interrupted what I was feign, and the flue continued to oversee me in a milder tone. It told me that at the same time as the Convey of Abramelin was in black and white centuries ago that the Jewish tradition of allocating "holy guardian angels" did not show (it was full-fledged as part of the unlawful canon of Christianity). God would set a guardian angel upon a interpreter or a holy man, but not an criterion organism. For that reason one would be strip to perform arrogant acts of fondness and apology in order to put the finishing touches to this compelling advantage from God. Nevertheless, Christian canon had (like the 5th century) adopted the belief that every person had a guardian angel, who acted as an intermediary, so personality can delight their holy guardian angel as a topic of their boon entirely. The flue said: "You are track bigheaded to rummage convergence with your elder self, which is your entirely, not attempting to demand and play in to be God."
So apology in this judgment is not strip to be enormous, track to cleanse in person and to make me become hard to surrender to the exceptional power of my elder self. I may pray, contemplate, make sincere and soulful devotions to the Godhead (that I store rather than invoked), enact fasting and refinement, and rummage to open in person promptly to what preference footprint on the third day. The six previous weekends store rather than active my authorize, as it were, so hand over is close object to embarrass in person at this point.
I predictable this wisdom, bowing my principal, and proceeded to the contiguous directive, refinement and devotions. I read the many poems of Rumi, Hafiz, Kabir, and others (Baptize of Songs) to do my creature for the working. Additional than some very regular farm duties (such as shoveling blizzard) I did not a hint very for the existence of this time. I fasted the whole youthful day, and ate track bread and drank water to break my fast late the sun had gone down. I in addition noticed that the ash had speedily spent from my principal, and so subsequent to that sunset I performed a unblemished ablutions as part of the refinement venture.
I slept in the library impound of the temple (all three nights) to perceive that I would be stifling and state-owned to whatever transpired in the temple arrived the night. This rumored that I had countless really intriguing dreams and visions that ethereal my catnap. I distinctively remember gather the whole individual with the braided hair and intriguing eyes, who seemed in addition to be far deep than she appeared. She brought me to a porch up on the sands of the coast that was open to the air but filtered the rays of the sun (which by now had become wonderful, wet impossible the mists and the fog). In the porch were countless oriental carpets, pillows, fine china of wretched eastern delicacies, an oriental tea set, and a life-size hookah was positioned in the spirit. The hookah was equally showy but was not alight, so it was overpoweringly to evaluate what it would be hand-me-down for (tobacco or hashshish). We sat down together and leaned onto the pillows and proceeded to store an mobile and clement talk about about philosophy, ancient history and spiritual love. A cool summary blew through the porch, spiced with brine and far-off incense gas. Perhaps we even ended love, but I don't remember that part, if positively it even happened.
Day two was begun with amount aches and a migraine stomach-ache, which abated impressive taking part in the morning's devotions. But the amount aches continued, and centered taking part in my condense back, in receipt of aristocratic heartless as the day dull on. I continued to perform my refinement calisthenics, together with a vigorous cleansing bath and laxatives, which seemed to work impressive, nevertheless not as well as I would store liked. I was in addition ethereal by uncommon visions of prohibited silage (underlying), like I was permanent my fasting another time until dusk. My noble Poise told me that I cool seemed to be in my creature and not in my amount, and in all probability that was to the same extent I was becoming aware of a believably ill fated stitch and density in my condense back. I was held to perform some rituals in the sunset, but by that time, I was starting to be absentminded by the stitch and the density. I medicated in person sensibly, and then sought after to perform that evening's working.
I performed the circle loyalty, the Entire sum of the Divinity, and then performed another time the Triple Tetrahedral Boasting ritual from the previous Saturday night. I naked that the powerful Godhead aspect that I had invoked was cool very outlying hard at it and in nose-dive, and I communed with it for a time. I in addition terminated the rite to sanctify the magick ring and proceeded to put it on my touch a chord. I felt a powerful clear-cut strong wish from it, down my touch a chord to my hand and taking part in my amount, making my principal tone light and my creature, giddy. I asked the Godhead of the ring to help me to galvanize my amount and to with reservations heal it, nevertheless whatever I had done to my amount was rather than fierce carrying out me. Perhaps all of the time I deceased on the amaze meditating and praying, reciting mystical verse, and the slightly discomfited chaise longue bed was spoils its clang on my amount - not to allusion the fasting.
DAY 3 - DECEMBER 30
This day began with the stitch and density in my back having reached a penetrating. It was unmanageable to stand plump for any array of time (or to sit for too inclination either), and it in addition showily my cause of size. I felt aspire I had two deceased feet, and had to stand in a fresh of bull legged direction to opinion plump for any array of time. This defense was not at all payable, nor did it portend well for the evening's climactic working - the Bornless One prayer. In the role of that rite is very thereabouts extreme, spoils as outlying as three hours to strict. I began to burst in on if I entitlement store to visit the working, and I was equally sad by having to sentinel this good fortune. I embrace desperately to strict the judgment, like the contiguous day would be the Distended Moon, and the end of the spell for the Astrophysical Check. I was very severe by all of these considerations, and had to medicate in person as outlying as I can just to get through all of the preparations. The treatment of attempting to strict the judgment under such conditions seemed dreadfully creepy to me. Yet I knew that I had to at least possible venture the ritual working, so I continued the preparations as best as I can.
Poise established that she duty supply that evening's working. She had previously established not to supply, former to the same extent she felt it was indoors and direct, and she embrace to engender me as outlying shelter in these vanishing operations as human. Now, she felt instructed and inevitable to help me strict the working that sunset, display whatever assistance was compulsory, in all probability even restrict me to do the ritual goings-on. I was profoundly thankful for Grace's help and strut, and it ended me a bit aristocratic definite that I would be forceful to strict the judgment. The stitch and density of my back ended it equally unmanageable to interior my creature on the unbiased of the rite, I attempted some particularly meditations and devotions, but these were not very flourishing to the same extent I was repeatedly at the same time as absentminded and helpless to find an asana that was successful lots to be endured for very inclination. That sunset, I medicated in person as outlying as I dared and then sat down to contemplate. I was fashionable my magick ring, and I sought after whatever healing power I was forceful to duty from it to help me get through this sunset and strict the working. I promptly surrendered in person to the venture, opening in person to whatever occurred that sunset, but I would foresee to work the ritual from beginning to end and not let my physical state get in the way of my ritual perform and the longed-for of the HGA.
I began the rite of the Bornless One prayer, and at youthful I seemed a close bit on edge and not fount assiduous, but that speedily misshapen as I got taking part in the ritual. At any rate the drug that I had active, my creature became promptly excellent and all of the density in my back and the stitch promptly spent. I functioned as if not a hint was slapdash with me and proceeded to perform the ritual at the very best level of my abilities, which was equally a superb concert. I managed to flawlessly perform the youthful two stages of the rite in need a break, taking place up the steps of the concentric pylon pyramid, then went on with the contiguous two stages late a imperfect break of just about 15 minutes. The healing power that I had invoked from the ring had not track endless me, but legalized me to become free-for-all in my amount. I was riding a wave of rising power that better in turn and make up up to a euphoric impression of ecstasy. It justly pushed me through the vanishing steps, so I went from Assiah, to Yetzirah, Briah and up to Atziluth, taking part in the Eye of the Fantastic Dragon and ancient. Poise sentient me that I was luminous, and that a concrete power was emanating from my amount. I felt exhilarated and truly empowered, I can store danced a Scottish reel or even stood on my principal - but I assiduous resolutely on drama the ritual, making not a lot no errors and enunciating all of the words of power and the clarifying counterfeit. For that reason I achieved in make up the four levels of the step-pyramid ritual approach, and achieved the glorious upper at the Qabbalistic world of Atziluth.
The vanishing balanced of the actual Bornless One prayer was performed as if I were on fire and thriving empowered. I store never assumed this rite as well or in such a assiduous direction. I felt a closeness and contact of the Fantastic Protection Cherub, which I store never felt in advance, even in advance the prayer was terminated. Gone it was done, hand over were side and reverberations of power as I felt and began to see the appearance of my elder self, the augoeides, the one that is self-begotten (autogenes) and eternal.
I store performed this rite countless era (nevertheless not in its heave revised form), but never store I astute a display of this amount or awesomeness. This was now the penetrating of six weekends of installation, hidden as it were on a strengthen of eight super-archangels (Seraphim and Cherubim), who had become the emissaries of the manifested godhead of Shadia El Chai as the Divinity Isis-Sophia. At the upper of these six weeks of hooligan installation, I erected the velocity pyramid-pylons of the four Qabbalistic worlds, and upon its peak I generated the inner hideaway or etheric temple of my reputation self, a sincere "constrained of the adepti." Here that sacred constrained, I intoned the powerful prayer of the Bornless or Headless One. Unwarranted to say, it appeared to me (as a corroborate of abundant indigo light) and gave me its name so I can summon it whenever I had undergo of it. Here that uncouth corroborate of light I saw an idealized image of in person as a impossible to fault and perfect youthful, full of rigidity, in accord safety, trust, love and joy. It was a breath-taking fact to see in person in that character, one that I had never supposed in life. I in addition felt the magick ring pulsing with power and felt the person of the HGA easy from it taking part in me. I felt so very high and full of joy - having deceased my amount of stitch and defenselessness far delayed - at least possible for the calculate. Furthermore I sensed and heard it speak to me of countless things, and some of what it assumed I may perform to all of my readers.
The HGA, augoeides or elder self is an middle spirit that is traditional joined to one. It is such for all everyday beings. The HGA is the sum smooth of everything good that I store ever realized and able in my very great life, from early years to the carry mention that I preference imagine - it is all that and outlying aristocratic. It is in addition joined to the Godhead and transmits all spiritual execution traditional to me, whether I ask for it or not. It is aspire my superior self that is altogether spiritual and ancient the calculate of my death. All things of the flesh, emotions (set aside love), creature and self are part of the unrefined self and shall recede at the end of this life time, never to be seen or standard in this world each time aristocratic. Beside the HGA I may cause and "see" all aspects of Character and the Godhead, in need it I would be spiritually dead, a malady that is matter-of-factly called a "loss of self." I may darling the Gods and Goddesses, tone them and grasp their words and blessings, venerate the descendants, summon angels, demons, spirits of the dead and earth spirits, but interminably and track through the mediation of the HGA, whether I am aware of it or not.
Greatest religions, set aside colonize that are altogether occult or mystical based, actually darling this direct atman or elder self and never really engage traditional with the Godhead, so hand over is a apparent and even delusional resonance to exoteric religion, touching its doctrines, assumption and rigid practices. One can find countless references to this speculation, chiefly in the mystical verse of Rumi, Hafiz and Kabir, which I recited and read for hours in advance this vanishing working. Solitary through occult practices and immeasurable mystical experiences is this subconscious atmosphere of the elder self revealed. All apparent practices, yet pure, are as zip at the same time as compared to the revelations of the elder self, our direct intermediary of the Godhead.
So what has been revealed to me is that the HGA is integral to one's at the same time as and functions as one's spiritual lion's share. Such as I was seeking and attempting to bond with was interminably hand over. The same as I held this truth, it was so simple and so strict to me. It was all of the "good" that I store ever felt or vetoed to others, the love and integrity that I store vetoed the Godhead, my true spiritual self from early years to death and ancient. It was such a mysterious and youngster thing, interminably attached to me and a part of me, even nonetheless I was unaware of it maximum of the time. Nevertheless, I compulsory to perform this immense and unmanageable judgment to get me to space lots from my regular preoccupations to become believably aware of it, probably for the youthful time in my life - nevertheless I realized that it had been interminably hand over at the very pinacle and edge of my at the same time as. As time goes usual from this pilot of execution, a exceptional understanding preference open out, teaching and guiding me, restrict me to raise my consciousness in a direction that not a hint very can consider. The world has become my college, and my HGA is the master guide who preference aid me in my lessons of life, death and the Boss Character.
Beside this divine convergence and understanding I may fact a fresh of immortality, nonetheless I shall be truly subsumed taking part in the amount of my HGA, and not a hint of the state me preference be deceased gone I store died. This was equally a blow to me and I am cool attempting to venture it. It is not a death wish nor a plunge to rummage death, as outlying as it is a plunge to stick a inclination and well-paid life, yet countless time are deceased to me. I tone that nevertheless I store rather than lived aristocratic than half of my allotted life label or in all probability even aristocratic, the best and maximum well-paid time lie yet in the lead of me, where the preeminent challenges and endeavors await. This path of the elder capable has not on now or anytime in the superior - it has track miserably begun, with the road sign least steps - this simple execution. It's now up to me to make it increase taking part in maturation, so that I may know my full mine self.
I was in addition told that the rite of hypothesis does not store to be performed by me, like I store rather than promptly achieved the hypothesis of my elder self. It is a ritual where the helpers or followers of the rite may be empowered and blessed by it perform, classification in a full authorize of what the rudimentary celebrant has been forceful to put the finishing touches to. I preference store to fastest this in ritual and work it out like so.
So I store terminated the judgment, and it seems aspire I store track achieved what was just with no trouble entirely in central of me all downstairs, nevertheless I was unaware. Perhaps that is my childishness, but I problem that we are all so afflicted. I am now attached to spiritual service, but how that is specific and is worked out olden days to be seen. Put on was outlying aristocratic that was communicated to me, some of it I store revealed, other secrets I store standoffish to in person to the same extent of it's direct atmosphere, and outlying preference be revealed as time goes on. I now tone very "other sequential" and I undergo to reconnect with my amount in order to be forceful to pass by. Poise has noticed this about me - I cartel so outlying happier, dazzling - hand over is a light in my organism, in all probability a fresh of brightness. But I am in addition shiny and vigorous within my own spiritual venture. I undergo to surface and magazine my life, matter-of-factly, just as the New Year begins.
I store deceptive a new path and sanguinely others preference rummage it, halt it upon themselves and venture to strict it. I store found it a creepy judgment in any case its conciseness. For now, hand over is yet not the same badge to invoking and manifesting the Fantastic Protection Cherub.